It's the season 4 premiere of Dancing With The Stars. I wasn't going to do this show, but since Heroes is on a break, I'll give it a try. PLUS, I am hoping to see a fake leg fly across the dance floor before the end of the season. Now that would be fun!
The first star is Ian Ziering from 90210. He's with 2-time champ Cheryl Burke. Ol' Steve Sanders was pretty good. Bruno tells Ian to go see a Chippendales show to learn moves. Well, Bruno, you may go to Chippendales shows all the time, but Ian probably doesn't. Scores: 7, 7, and 7.
Next up is Paulina Porizkova. She was rather glamorous and reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. Good job. Judges thought they didn't work well together. Scores: 6, 6, 7.
Then we got Billy Ray Cyrus. Oh my. Where to begin. First, they're dancing to his new (non)-hit "I Want My Mullet Back". Didn't 50 Cent cover this song on his new album? Heh! With his crazy bangs hanging in his eyes, he looks like Captain Caveman. It looked like he was stomping roaches. Judges said it wasn't a Cha Cha Cha, it was more like a Hoedown. More like a Stank Ho Down. Scores: 5, 4, 4. Judges were generous.
Coming up next is Leeza Gibbons. Leeza girl, your dancing is more wooden than Heather Mills' leg. She walked around like she was sneaking in late from curfew. Not too good. But on the positive side, at least she didn't have a mullet on. Scores: 5, 5, 5.
Dancing next is Joey Fatone (as in FAT ONE) from Nsync. He's got one fat ass! But he can move pretty well. He must remember some of those Nsync moves because he was pretty good. Maybe if someone threw a pork chop across the dance floor, he might have moved even faster. Scores: 8, 8, 8.
Up next is boxing champ Laila Ali. She's dancing with Maxim. He's HOT! I like Laila. She's feisty. She did good. She suprised me for a boxer. Judges liked her too. Scores: 7, 8, 8.
Now we got John Ratzenberger. He's the token old coot bad dancer. There's always one every season. It was a bit embarrassing as was expected, but the old geeze had a lot of fun. Sure was a lot better than Jerry Springer. Scores: 6, 5, 6.
We got Shandi Finnessey. Hey it's the Lingo letter girl! Her partner is Brian Fortuna. He says his dancing is young and hot. And SO IS HE! Shandi looked pretty awesome in her red dress. I thought she did good. Judges weren't as thrilled. Scores: 6, 6, 7.
Here comes basketball star Clyde Drexler. He is TALL! And that was some bad dancing! He did the ol' "stand still while your partner dances around you" trick. But the judges always are nice to the sports stars. They said he did pretty good, which means the judges are on CRACK! They don't like Shandi, but they like Clyde. Stupid! Scores: 6, 5, 5.
Now we got Woody...err...Heather Mills. She's announced as a "charity queen". That's because she's busy trying to grub off more money from Paul McCartney. Let's root for a leg manfunction! She did alright. The judges gave her one-legged pity praise. Scores: 6, 6, 6. An appropriate score for her. The devil!
Last up is Apolo Anton Ohno. His smile gets on my nerves. Too much teeth going on there. I liked him. Thought he did real well. Judges said he needed more training time. Scores: 7, 7, 7.
Clyde should go, but I'm sure he'll be around a few weeks more. So I'm guessing on Billy Ray Cyrus.
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