Thursday, September 28, 2006

Celebrity Duets Finale - It's Finally Over!

It's the Celebrity Duets Finale. Thank God! Now I'm not even going to mention Jai Rodriguez' elimination last week. Just stupid! Crack loving FOOLS!

Anyway...first up is Lucy (I Suck Out Loud) Lawless. BOO! Or should I say BOOBS! That's the only thing that is keeping her around. Tonight she's singing with Bonnie Tyler. "Turn around big boobs!" Why couldn't Bonnie bring the cute guys from her video for this song. And speaking of this song, it's chock full of drama. Hmm. Bonnie looks just like Charlene Tilton from Dallas. Lucy was bad as usual. Wait a minute, Little Richard made sense. Who took away his drugs!! Boo!

Alfonso Ribeiro is next, singing with John Secada. Looks like John had a bit too much nip and tuck. mmm Beef jerky. Alfonso sounded great! Little Richard started up about his toes again. That fool's got some obsession with his toes. David Foster says that Alfonso was good enough to be belong in his world. If only all of us could be special enough to be in David's world. Whateva you old fool. He's the king of back-handed compliments.

Ok, why are they still showing those Fudgem Dominos commericals? Do people actually order that crap? I'm sorry, but if I wanted to hug some big hairy and fudgy thing, I'd go to some leather bar! ICK!

Anyways...Hal Sparks is up to scream a new song. He's singing with Sebastian Bach from Skid Row. Ouch! Make it stop! SUCK-O-RAMA! Little Richard said "My grandmother didn't holler that loud when she was trying to get the cows to come in." I think I would've rather watched her call the cows instead. The judges were somewhat nice to him. I guess they want to make us to think this is a nailbiter contest, which it isn't.


Lucy is back to sing once again with Smokey Robinson. Lucy actually sounded pretty good this song. And I still love me some Smokey! Richard commented on her "Fly Me To The Moon" performance by saying "Why she wanna go there? What she wanna do up on the moon?" Someone tell Richard that she's not really going to the moon. I think he's been on the moon for weeks now!

Alfonso comes back to sing with Gladys Knight. They sounded good. Made a good pair. The judges loved Alfonso and pimped him to the voters.

Oh no! The Carlton Dance. Just wrong!

Hal Sparks returns with Dennis DeYoung. Dennis still sounds good. They both are singing to their wife/girlfriend. Hal's girlfriend's looking fugly! Now see, Hal doesn't scream as much this song and sounds so much better. Little Richard said "If it don't fit don't force it. I tell ya, you forced it and it was good." ?? Is Richard still talking about singing??

Well, there they are. I think Alfonso is the obvious front runner, but I wouldn't be surprised if Lucy's boobs take her to the win.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Amazing Race: Gotta Love Animals!

It's week 2 of Amazing Race. All the loonies are ready for another round of stupidity. This isn't the most organized play-by-play recap. Just my comments on these fools.

Tyler and James say they like they game because it's better than being on the streets and the gutters. Well, anything's better than that isn't it? I'd prefer to make a trip to McDonalds instead of being in the gutters, so that's not really saying much.

Sarah is still crying about her hydraulic leak. She says it's like riding around on a flat tire. Don't they have oil somewhere for her to refill? Maybe there's a Tin Man somewhere that can help. "Oil!"

Tom and Terry think the race so far is "Amaaaaaazing!" They SO get on my last gay nerve!

Hick David said his wife is the type who wouldn't even care if the President was in front of her. She'd still tell him "Your're wrong, get out of here!" Hmm. The hicks aren't as stupid as I thought!

Oh no! Tom and Terry are doing a cheer with the cheerleaders! Great, if anyone hands them pom poms I'm gonna lose it! Tyler says that ever since the third time he was in jail for drugs his life has been a dream ever since. Yeah Tyler, that's not a dream you're feeling, it's called heroin. Kimberly says to Rob "I love you're grinding". HEH! Now I believe that she was talking about his gear shifting skills, but knowing her, ya never know.

Either Tom or Terry (who knows? They're both equally annoying) tries to ask someone for directions by saying "Horse Horse" and act like he's riding a horse. Good grief, what a freak.

Druggies get a flat tire. Rob and Kimberly stops to give them their jack but Rob says he can't get it out. Lynn and Karlyn show up and say "Their tire's flat? Screw them!" Aren't they full of gooey love?

Time for playing with horses. Sarah is putting on her glamourous fake foot model of her leg accessories, complete with painted fake toenails. I hope she's wearing the same color on her other foot. I mean why should the horses have to put up with a fashion faux pas?

David and Mary get stuck in the mud and hick hilarity ensues. All the teams pass them basically laughing.

Kimberly gets on a horse and somehow gets tangled in a branch and falls down. Then Kandice falls off the horse but has her leg caught in the stirrup and gets drug around by the horse. Peter and Sarah's animal runs off twice and spills their barrells of water. Way to go animals in this episode! Show these fools who's boss!

The beauty queens are in first place after the animal fun. Seems like everyone is having car problems. Edwin and Godwin, Kellie and Jamie, and Lyn and Karlyn all can't start their cars. Kellie and Jamie get someone to start theirs while Lyn and Karlyn watch and are upset because theirs isn't working yet. Hey ladies, shall I paraphrase you from earlier..."Their car won't start? screw them!"

The final task is to shoot a flaming arrow into a round target on the ground. Now you would think that flaming arrows would be right up Tom and Terry's alley...

...but apparently not. Big surprise there.

Peter and Sarah end up winning this leg. HEH! Leg! Gotta give props to the toenail painted leg for pulling through!

Thanks to getting lost on the way to the last task, Kellie and Jamie are eliminated. Everyone do a cheer for them. On the bright side, maybe that means we won't have to see Tom and Terry doing a cheer again either.

I'm still pulling for my druggies and Duke and Lauren. That's one fire arrow wielding lesbian!

Limahl - A Neverending Cutie!

I stumbled upon Limahl's MySpace Page today. For those who don't remember, Limahl was the lead singer of 80's group Kajagoogoo. Their big hit was Too Shy, and they had some other hits, but they were mostly in the UK. I always loved Limahl. He was a cutie and had some crazy hair! After their first album, the band fired Limahl because they didn't want to be known as a teen idol band, which is what Limahl was causing. Of course the band sucked after he left. Limahl went on to have a few more solo singles. His biggest being Neverending Story, from the movie soundtrack of the same name. The entire band got back together a couple years ago for the VH1 show Bands Reunited. But the reunion only lasted that one performance.

He's still recording and touring and at the age of 48 he's still looking pretty good! He's working on a new album and has a new single out called Tell Me Why that you can hear on his Myspace page mentioned at the beginning of this post. Here's some new pictures of him. Not too shabby for almost being 50.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Celebrity Duets...Stop The Insanity!

Its Celebrity Duets time. Three crap singers gone, five to go.

First up is Jai Rodriguez. I'm sure he's missing Taylor Dayne and her boobs from last week. So this week he's with Patti LaBelle. Oh Patti, what have you been eating! She looked like Barney with all that purple velour on. I bet Little Richard was wondering who got into his closet! And judging by the expression Jai is giving above, he knows what I mean! Patti sounded good! The judges loved Jai, and me too, but I hated his hat! Little Richard says "Don't make me scream like a white lady!" Too late Richard. You've been sounding like a white lady for decades!

Next is Lucy Lawless. She's singing with Richard Marx, who had bigger hair than her in his days. Lucy is in cylon mode being the vamped up blonde. And singing BAD BAD BAD! Richard's still cute, who knew!

Wait a minute, I just noticed Lucy's dress! Oh dear! What a crime to kill a flock of peacocks for a dress. Would that be a flock, a pack, a murder? Hmm, the only murder is her singing. Her boobs were more in tune than her voice was. The judges liked her, which confirms they are on CRACK! Little Richard says "The beauty is still on duty. I know because my name is Judge Beauty." That may be so Lil', but you look more like Judge Judy.

Now we got Hal Sparks. I thought Hal was the best last week and apparently he was second from the bottom after America voted. This country can be stupid sometimes! He's singing with Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and is in rockin' mode. He sounds terrible! Just screaming at the top of his lungs. Hal dear, there's more to heavy metal than just shreiking. This isn't death metal ya know! It's pretty bad when DEE SNIDER sings better than you! Poor Hal. Little Richard said "You look like Prince. And if it don't fit, don't force it." Hmm. What odd advice??

Now I don't know if I'm more disturbed by Hal's eye liner, or the hairdo above! Is that George Clinton?

Cheech Marin is up next singing with Al Jarreau. Is it a bad thing if I have blood coming out of my ears? Damn Cheech! Al looks old and creepy! Man, this is a bunch of crap! Make it stop! Cheech and the crypt keeper are whack! Little Richard said "I didn't know you could sing jazz." Dizzy Richard. I think we all know he CAN'T sing jazz, or any other style for that matter. He needs to GO!

Commerical break..."Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea..." Who wrote that commercial jingle?? They need to be shot! Why are people dancing to those lyrics??

Back to the show....

Last to sing is Alfonso Ribeiro. He's singing Chaka Khan! Girlfriend is wearing some crazy outfit! She looks like Sigmund the Sea Monster! And that weave is out of control and has a mind of its own! One of her weaves bitch slapped Alfonso near the end. Chaka sounded great and Alfonso was very good too. Little Richard really couldn't make out what he said! Something about a shoe?? Where's my damn Richard translator already!


Hey, Patti LaBelle is back. You go Patti! Diva it up! Show those suckas how to sing! Oh, here comes Wayne Brady to sing with her. They sound good together. Belt it out girl!!

Well, they are eliminating two people tomorrow. It should be Cheech and Lucy, but the voters suck, so Cheech will probably stay. Stupid voters!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Amazing Race 10 - Premiere

It's Amazing Race time again. I've especially been looking forward to this after the craptastic rip-off of it called Treasure Hunters. Finally, a show with no Motorola Messages or robotic hosts. That right. Phil and his package are back doing hosting duties. Let's take a look at this season's lineup of fools!

Oh lookie here. We got rednecks David and Mary! Looks like maybe the producers did watch Treasure Hunters afterall. He's a coal miner and she's the obeying wife. Both of them don't have a full set of teeth between them. And those left are rotten. They do nothing but complain, because that's what you do up in thar mountayns. So far, they aren't too annoying. I'm sure that will change soon.

Here goes brothers Erwin and Godwin. They like to work out together and are apparently smart with fancy degrees. Whateva! What's with those similar names? I'll call them the Win Twins. Which is ironic, since they won't! And one of these geniouses decides to bring squirt guns to the airport and start spraying down people in the terminal. Hmm. I wonder if security will let that slide?........Didn't think so. I was hoping to see them get a 1 day penalty in the game for having to spend the night in jail. But no such luck...

Here's Dustin and Kandice. They are both beauty queens. The reigning Miss California and Miss New York respectively. They always have a team on the show like this. But I gotta give props to these beauty queens. The trio of them on Treasure Hunters sure did well on that show. One of them is a marketing director, so she's gotta have some smarts. The other one is a Rockette, so she's gotta have legs? I dunno. You tell me??

Speaking of playing the ditzy girls quotient, here we go again. It's Kellie and Jamie. They are both cheerleaders. They cheer for the Gamecocks. Heh! I think that may end up being the nickname for one of the other guys on this show by the end of the season! My favorite part of them in the first episode was when they started doing a cheer for the cab driver who was making good time! I wonder if they do that in line at the Drivers License office when they get in a line that moves fast?? "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate? D-M-V!! YAY!!" Hmm...

This is the dating pair Peter and Sarah. Ol' Sarah has a prosthetic leg. One of those fancy running ones that bounces when you run. At first, she pulled the ol' handicapped card and got boarded first, but by the end of the episode, she really worked her butt off to get through the leg of the race. I gotta give her praise for that. She must be in great shape to climb up that wall with just one leg for support. She sprang a leak in her leg and was leaking hydraulic fluid halfway through the episode and had to deal with it. She didn't have a spare? Heck, I'd have a whole set of them with me. In fact she should have a leg for all occasions. Let's say, they gotta swim...pull out the flipper leg! Need to dig a hole? No problem, reach for the leg with a shovel end. It's pretty dark in this cave. No need to worry...time for the flashlight leg! HEH! I suppose that's wrong on so many levels, but it would be cool none the less! Go-go-gadget!

Here's Lyn and Karlyn. They are a couple of moms. They already have a hatred for Peter and Sarah because they feel Sarah is playing up her leg situation to get preferrential treatment. I hope they saw how Sarah got up that wall with one leg. Probably faster than the moms. Oh, and they said that since they were from Alabama, they would be a hit in China because of Forrest Gump. Yeah, I'm sure that's what the Chinese will be saying when they hit the streets. More like "Get out of the road you crazy fools!"

This is Rob and Kimberly. They are pretty forgetful. I can't even remember anything about them except that they yell a lot. Another bickering couple. Fun....

Next we got Duke and Lauren. This is a father and daughter team. Duke was very dissapointed in his daughter. Why? Well, I was thinking a druggie? A criminal past? Can't get a job? Nope, she's a lesbian. OH NO! That's even worse! Sheesh. Stupid dad! I'm sure they will be best of buds by the end of the show. Maybe they can go out looking for girls together afterwards. Father: "Lauren, are you one of those dipstick lesbians?" Daughter: No dad, you're the only dipstick around here!"

Here's Tom and Terry. Was that Tom and Jerry? No sir. These are two OTHER cartoon characters. They are a gay couple. Earlier we had a couple of beauty queens, well here's a couple of ugly queens! Why do the producers always have to hunt for the most flaming and obnoxious gay couples for this show? We need some good eye candy gays like Chip and Reichen! What's next TAR producers? Next year, a team of drag queens in full drag, beehive wigs and 5 inch stilleto pumps? Stopping every few minutes to put on a show for the locals? Drag 1: "Are you looking for the roadblock?" Drag 2: "Girl, the hell with that. I'm looking for the sunblock. Red and neon orange do not go together, okay?" Anyway, I don't care if they go soon. Besides, they look like Wally and the Beaver in the picture above!

Next is Tyler and James. They are a couple of recovered drug addicts who are now models. I love the black and white pictures they showed during their drug days. Heh! Why don't the have current drug addicts on the show! That would be much more interesting. I can hear Phil now. "Where is your money for this leg of the race?". Umm...we misplaced it? As they wipe their nose. And hilarity ensues! Ok, well props to the cuties for cleaning up. And they make for some very nice eye candy! And they finished this leg first. So they look like a team to beat!

Here's Vipul and Arti. A married couple. They seemed nice enough, but didn't last long. They were gone on the first episode. Which I suppose is good. How many times can someone type Vipul and Arti?

And finally, there was Bilal and Sa'eed. A couple of Muslim best friends. They are very devoted to their religion and apparently cannot shake hands with women. They said that if they have to pull over on the road to pray, they will. Oh I wish they stayed on the show a little longer to see that. Two mintes from the pitstop and barely in the lead. Hold up! Time to pray! Well, we won't know since they got kicked off at a surprise elimination. What's with these surprise eliminations? I was expecting to see Julie Chen pop up with a notecard. "Houseguests, it's a surprise eviction on Amazing Race."

Overall, a pretty good group of contestants. This should be better than the past couple seasons. But after Treasure Hunters, I suppose anything would be good!