Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Dancing With The Skanks!

It's the season premiere of Dancing With The Stars. Time for the trainwrecks! Just as long as Master P stays off the stage. I mean nobody can be THAT bad this year...can they? Well, there's the usual judges.

Len Goodman. Someone wake the old buzzard.

Carrie Ann Inaba. We'll never forget that she was a "Fly Girl" on In Living Color. She hates everything!

Bruno Tonioli. GAY GAY GAY! He never makes any sense and flirts with all the male contestants. Well, except maybe Jerry Springer. I think he's the designated "drunk" judge of this show. So I gotta love him!

First up was Joey Lawrence. Fresh from his role in The King and I?? Joey was pretty good. Although I think that shiny bald head was hypnotizing me. It told me to pick up the phone and vote. So I compromised. I picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. Sorry chrome dome, your powers don't work here! He could've at least danced to his dance hit Nothin' My Love Can't Fix.

Next up was Sarah Evans. A country singer I believe. Whatever, I've never heard of her. She was BORING! Nothing exciting at all. She'll be gone soon.

Then it was Tucker Carlson. I was just sure he would have on his bow tie while he was dancing, but no such luck. Ok. how can I explain how many levels of SUCK his dancing was. I think he made Master P look like a pro dancer! His best dancing was when he was just sitting in the chair doing nothing! That should have been the whole dance. But no, he had to dance..or something resembling dancing. I think he was trying to stomp a roach on the floor or something. Probably one of the roaches that fled my apartment when they saw him hit the dance floor! Trainwreck! I don't see how he can not go home first.

Then we got Monique Coleman. She's from the kids movie High School Musical. come they couldn't get Zac Efron from High School Musical instead?? I bet Louis Van Amstel would have much rather danced with him ya know! Ol' Louis' face is stretched to its limits. SAY NO to plastic surgery Louis! Monique didn't really do much. Louis pretty much did everything.

Emmet Smith was next. He was pretty good. I mean "pretty good for a football player". There's a difference in that and just plain "pretty good". I think the judges scored him a bit higher than they should. But he was good.

Then we have Willa Ford. A popular singer. Well, not a singer I've ever heard. But I'll take their word for it. She did very good. She's safe for a few weeks I guess. Her partner Maxim is pretty hot too!

Next up was Mario Lopez. CUTE!! Look at those dimples! Mario was sexy, sassy, and an excellent dancer. The best of the night! Bruno said the unfortunate line "Do you have extra batteries in your pants?" Oh Behave girl!

Then was Shannon Moakler. Moakler?? I think she was a Miss USA. More like Miss SUCK! But her dancing partner Jesse De Soto was HOT! I might just have to vote for the skank Shannon just to keep him on the show! Or...maybe not.

So Harry Hamlin was up and showed that he learned NOTHING from his wife Lisa Rinna. He was stiff and dull. Oh, and speaking of that bitch wife, I gotta go through a whole second season having to look at those huge lips? Oi!

Vivica A. Fox vamped on the stage next looking sassy and sultry. She was great! Gotta keep my Vivica in there!

And finally was Jerry Springer. Ok, I know that's not his dancing partner in the picture above, but I think it's much more appropriate. Jerry was a hot mess! He just stood there and watched his partner dance around him. And when he shook his hips?? GROSS! Just go away Jerry!

I would guess that Tucker Carlson will be going home. But you never know when the audience votes. They like to screw things up. (Travis wuz robbed!!) Anyway, as I'm typing this, the results show is halfway over. So I'll take a pause while waiting for the results and put on my Justin CD. Stand back, I'm bringing sexy back! .......................

Ok. Results. Tucker is outta there! No surprise there. Good riddance!

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