Monday, August 21, 2006

To Boldly Roast...

The William Shatner Roast was on Comedy Central last night. Talk about a bunch of crazy fools! It was a hoot! A chance to talk trash about William Shatner. You know people were lining up for that. First in line I'm sure was George Takei. He's been doing some serious Shatner hatin' for a while. Let's look at some of the roasters:

George Takei (Sulu). You know he's been waiting 30 years for the chance to read Shatner. Even though the roasting is supposedly done in jest, you can tell he meant every word he said! He covered all grounds too. "My name is George Takei. That's pronounced Ta-Kay, not Ta-Kie, like you've been saying for 30 years!" "Takei, as in Toupee". "Bill is a very giving person. He gave Nichelle Nichols herpes." "Speaking of fat alcoholics, hello Bill". "And your acting...if I could only get my partner to suck that hard, I'd never leave my chateau." LOVES IT!

My girl Betty White knows how to throw shade! Let's look at her comments... "You were supposed to explore the galaxy, not fill it" You know, they make 1% milk now.." "Don't try to laugh Bill. We don't want to lose our cleaning deposit on that chair"

Then there's Nichelle Nichols (Uhura). "Bill Shatner is a selfish flatulent lard ass who would crap on the last piece of pizza just so you wouldn't enjoy it"

Jason Alexander. He said he was a Star Trek geek. He adds "Captain Kirk is a Jew. Tell Mel Gibson to shove that photon torpedo up his ass"

Jeffrey Ross was next. His lines? "Last year we held a roast for Pamela Anderson. Keeping with that tradition, we are now hosting another roast of a bad actor with big tits." "You have let yourself boldly go" "When did you go from Captain Kirk to Captain Crunch?" "I wish that spaceship of yours would have once landed on a planet with an acting school"

Greg Giraldo (whoever that is): "William Shatner, you overract more than Betty White's bladder." "You proved having no talent could be hip and ironic."

Lisa Lampanelli (another D-list comic): "William, don't kill yourself, then Uhura woudn't have any house to clean." "TJ Hooker, what a piece of crap! I tried to tivo TJ Hooker but my tivo suggested I punch myself in the $%!&#.

Then the man of the hour, Shatner spoke to his roasters. "The proudest moments of my career are the incredible works I've done to help the poor, the homeless, and the indigent. Nichelle and George know them as Star Trek 3 through 6." "Farrah, you should really stay out of the sun. Your skin looks so much like fried chicken, Nichelle's mouth is watering!"

Ah good times!

No comments: