Dancing With The Stars - Week 2

It's Week 2. Let's see how much longer Wayne Newton can last. Both guys and gals are performing tonight. So let's have at it!


First up we have Mel B. doing the Quickstep. Oh joy. What's with that dress? It looks like Pepto Bismal exploded all over the stage. Scary was pretty good. She handled those crazy steps pretty well. Judges really liked it, except Carrie Ann has some obsession with shoulders. Scores: 7, 8, 8.


Next up is Mark Cuban doing the Mambo. Well, he was better tonight, but still bad. He just bugs me. Go away annoying man! Scores: 6, 6, 6. How appropriate!


Next is Wayne dancing the Quickstep. Although, after this, we should rename it the Slow-ass-step. Let me first say that Wayne needs to never wiggle his hips again! All the roaches in by apartment ran just ran out the front door. I was close behind them. When he dances, all I can see is that hair. I keep waiting for it to fly off. His Quickstep technique seems to be to impersonate a woodpecker and peck at Cheryl. Wow that's hot. Ugh. Scores: 5, 5, 5.


Now we got Marie Osmond doing the Mambo. She's looking extra slutty tonight and reminds me of an ostrich in heat. And she likes showing her red panties. Eep. She was doing her usual drunk stumbling, but improved from last week. Scores: 8, 8, 8.


Dancing next is Albert Reed doing the Quickstep dancing in memory of his Grandpa. Well, Grandpa must be rolling in his grave. He's like a robot and bumped into his partner a couple times. And he left his shirt on. Not much exitement. Judges gave him some Grandpa pity points. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Up next is Helio Castroneves. Helio's got that big grin. He's so goofy, how can you not help but love him! And wow, that was a FUN routine! Just a great job! Judges loved it. Scores: 9, 9, 9!


Um.....why?


Now we got Jennie Garth dancing the Quickstep. She started off well, but that all changed. She's got some bad footwork action going on. And so does Derek at the end. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Up now is Cameron Mathison doing the Mambo. He was workin that dancefloor and those tight pants too! I thought he was pretty good. Judges weren't as thrilled. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Next is Floyd Mayweather dancing the Quickstep. And it's bad! He was hopping and running in all the wrong places. The only time he looked comfortable was when he was clapping. Ok, so he's got the clapping down. Next week he's gotta work on the dancing part. Judges gave him great praises and even Karina rolled her eyes like she couldn't believe they liked it. I know what you mean Karina. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Now we got Jane Seymour dancing the Mambo. Dr. Quinn did a nice job. Once again, nothing flashy, but it was good. Len thought she should be more raunchy. It's a good thing Len didn't give that advice to Wayne Newton! Scores: 7, 7, 7. They sure like 7's tonight.


Final dancer is Cheetah Girl Sabrina doing the Quickstep. She seems so natural dancing. Very good job! She's a sassy little diva! Even the Cavemen liked it! Len had mixed comments and gets in a pissy contest with Bruno. Break it up girls! Scores: 9, 8, 9.

Wayne and Mark will probably be bottom feeding again. Kick Mark's butt outta there already! We'll find out tomorrow.