It's time for the guys to compete in Week 1. Let's see who's the trainwreck this season. Let's hear it for the boyz! And on a side note, I just gotta say, Bruno is extra gay this season.
The first guy up is soap star Cameron Mathison. He's purty. He's paired up with Edyta and is dancing the Foxtrot. He was pretty stiff and didn't seem too comfortable. But hey, he's cute, shouldn't that count for something? No? Oh well. Len talks about gushes and drips. I don't know what he's saying. Carrie Ann likes his elongated neck. Is that what kids are calling it these days? Scores: 7, 7, 7.
Next up is boxer Floyd Mayweather dancing with Karina doing the Cha Cha Cha. Floyd sure has the moves and was working that floor, but I didn't see a lot of Cha Cha Cha. I think he was channeling MC Hammer while he was dancing. Maybe next week he'll dance to the song Pumps and a Bump. (google it) But he's very likeable, so they'll cut him some slack. Scores: 6, 6, 6. Evil-licious!
Next is Helio Castroneves, Indy 500 racing champ. He's paired with last year's champ Julianne Hough doing the Foxtrot. Helio is Brazilian and muy caliente! I liked his performance. He was hamming it up for the camera and was fun to watch. Judges loved it. Bruno said he couldn't take his eyes off of Helio. I bet! Scores: 8, 9, 8.
Next is model Albert Reed dancing with Anna doing the Cha Cha Cha. He's cute and a little dumb. Didn't think too much of his whole bad Elvis channeling. Poor himbo must have got distracted by the shiny disco ball. Maybe if he took off his shirt it would have helped. Probably not. Bruno liked Albert's crotch action. That's about as good as it got. Scores: 7, 7, 7...and a 10 from Carrie Ann for his chest! Drew Lachey thinks that will help him get the male votes too. Too true Drew!
Up now is Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban partnered with Kym. He's shady and gross. And he's got some big ugly scar on his ass. Ick! He's dancing the Foxtrot. What the hell is he wearing? Part, gangster, part hobo and it doesn't fit him. Probably because the tailor didn't want to get near his crotch! Boring dance routine. Little praise from judges..blah blah blah...I'm bored. Scores: 7, 7, 7.
Last to dance is Wayne Newton, who lost his job in Vegas so he's making his rounds on reality shows these days. His face looks like it's melting! He's partnered with Cheryl Burke dancing the Cha Cha Cha. He's got the gaudiest, tackiest house. And his dancing? It looked like he was trying to stomp cockroaches. Watching him, it hits me that he dances just like Barney the Dinosaur. About the same size too! All that the judges can say is that it's a great honor to see him. That's polite-speak for "You Suck!" Scores: 6, 7, 6.
Worst tonight? Duh..Wayne Newton. Although, I'd actually would rather see Mark Cuban get his butt booted! We'll see tomorrow.
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