Dancing With The Stars Week 1 - Results

It's results night for Week 1. Who will go, Josie or Wayne? Or perhaps Mark Cuban if we're lucky.


Judges pick who their favorite dance couple of the week is to do a repeat performance. They pick Sabrina and partner Mark. Work it Cheetah Girl!


Musical guest time and performing tonight it's none other than Dolly Parton's breasts! And there was also a little room on the screen for the rest of her body too.


The filler continues with a performance by tap dancer Savion Glover and his glowing green shoes! And what's with the busted female dancers in the back?? Looked like they were ready to fall on their ass!


Then they had some lame segment with former annoying contestant Kenny Mayne looking for the origins of dancing. Time for a snack break. It's bad when the most entertaining part of it was when that lame TV Caveman made an appearance. Ugh.


The first couple in the bottom two are Josie and Alec. Expected.


The second couple in the bottom two is Mark and Kim. Yeah! I sure want him outta there, but I doubt he'll go.


And the couple going home is Josie and Alec. Well, I figured. She sure was stank. Watch out Mark Cuban, you will be close behind her! Till next week!

Dancing With The Stars - Week 1 Men

It's time for the guys to compete in Week 1. Let's see who's the trainwreck this season. Let's hear it for the boyz! And on a side note, I just gotta say, Bruno is extra gay this season.


The first guy up is soap star Cameron Mathison. He's purty. He's paired up with Edyta and is dancing the Foxtrot. He was pretty stiff and didn't seem too comfortable. But hey, he's cute, shouldn't that count for something? No? Oh well. Len talks about gushes and drips. I don't know what he's saying. Carrie Ann likes his elongated neck. Is that what kids are calling it these days? Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Next up is boxer Floyd Mayweather dancing with Karina doing the Cha Cha Cha. Floyd sure has the moves and was working that floor, but I didn't see a lot of Cha Cha Cha. I think he was channeling MC Hammer while he was dancing. Maybe next week he'll dance to the song Pumps and a Bump. (google it) But he's very likeable, so they'll cut him some slack. Scores: 6, 6, 6. Evil-licious!


Next is Helio Castroneves, Indy 500 racing champ. He's paired with last year's champ Julianne Hough doing the Foxtrot. Helio is Brazilian and muy caliente! I liked his performance. He was hamming it up for the camera and was fun to watch. Judges loved it. Bruno said he couldn't take his eyes off of Helio. I bet! Scores: 8, 9, 8.


Next is model Albert Reed dancing with Anna doing the Cha Cha Cha. He's cute and a little dumb. Didn't think too much of his whole bad Elvis channeling. Poor himbo must have got distracted by the shiny disco ball. Maybe if he took off his shirt it would have helped. Probably not. Bruno liked Albert's crotch action. That's about as good as it got. Scores: 7, 7, 7...and a 10 from Carrie Ann for his chest! Drew Lachey thinks that will help him get the male votes too. Too true Drew!


Up now is Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban partnered with Kym. He's shady and gross. And he's got some big ugly scar on his ass. Ick! He's dancing the Foxtrot. What the hell is he wearing? Part, gangster, part hobo and it doesn't fit him. Probably because the tailor didn't want to get near his crotch! Boring dance routine. Little praise from judges..blah blah blah...I'm bored. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Last to dance is Wayne Newton, who lost his job in Vegas so he's making his rounds on reality shows these days. His face looks like it's melting! He's partnered with Cheryl Burke dancing the Cha Cha Cha. He's got the gaudiest, tackiest house. And his dancing? It looked like he was trying to stomp cockroaches. Watching him, it hits me that he dances just like Barney the Dinosaur. About the same size too! All that the judges can say is that it's a great honor to see him. That's polite-speak for "You Suck!" Scores: 6, 7, 6.

Worst tonight? Duh..Wayne Newton. Although, I'd actually would rather see Mark Cuban get his butt booted! We'll see tomorrow.

Heroes Season 2 Baby! Here we go!

Heroes is back! Oh yeah! Time to meet all the new freaks (heroes, whatever). And we get to find out what happened 4 months after the finale. And I am still cranky that all we got was that lame Syler/Peter wimpfest finale. I was expecting the battle royale! Oh well, maybe this season.


Everyone thinks Mohinder is nuts except ugly creepy guy who wants to give him a job.


Maya and Alejandro are siblings in Honduras wanted by the police and trying to get to America. What are their powers? Making people's mascara run? Damn you Maya, you cosmetics hater! Oh wait, looks like she kills people leaving them with black goo in their eye. Hmm.


Hiro is in 17th century Japan. He thinks he found his hero Takezo Kensei. They both are getting ready to be speared by arrows. He teleports them both to safety. He turns out not to be Kinsei, and is actually some white guy from England who is a drunk. Looks like Hiro has to turn him from a drunk Brit to a Japanese hero. Better call the Queer Eye guys. They got nothing else to do these days!


Claire is back at a school and meets cute West. West? What kinda name is that? She tries to blend in with the rest of the students and not stand out.


Nathan went all Grizzly Adams with a crazy beard. Peter's disappearance hit him hard. It seems that his mother and Hiro's father are to die in 24 hours.


Cute West can fly! And is hovering at Claire's window, watching her. Way to use your powers for good perv!


Cutie in a box! Peter is chained up in some big shipping crate in Ireland. He doesn't remember what his name is. Wonder who put him there?! And where's that crate. Hmm...Tied up shirtless Peter Petrelli. Party time!

Wow, so many questions. Who killed Hiro's dad? Who put Peter in the crate? (me!) What is Mohinder and Bennet up to? Who is Molly seeing in her dreams? We'll see if any are answered next week...

Dancing With The Stars - Week 1 Women

Well, it's been a month since my last TV show blogging. I needed a break after the great and hectic season of So You Think You Can Dance. But no more. The shows are all back! First up, it's the season 5 premiere of Dancing With The Stars. Well, if you say so. And what's with them stretching out the week into 3 nights! CBS will do anything for extra ratings I guess. That means a lot of crap filler and commericals between each dance. So let's have at it with this year's freakshow, shall we? It's ladies' night y'all!


The first woman up tonight is actress Jennie Garth, who used to be on Beverly Hills 90210. I wonder if the whole former cast of that show is going to be on this show. She's still looking good! She's partnered with Derek Hough. He looks about 15 but is pretty hot! They are doing the Cha Cha. Jennie girl did pretty well. Kind of a slow start, but she got goin. And the best part is them showing her HOT husband Peter Facinelli! Judges thought it was good for a first round dance. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Next up is Josie Maran, a model. She's dancing with Alec and his hairy chest! Josie dear was all kinds of stank! She was stumbling all over that stage. I think she was drunk! No, she is just a bad dancer. Well, the judges basically agreed, but in a nicer more patronizing way. Scores: 6, 5, 5.


Next is Sabrina Bryan, a Cheetah Girl and partner Mark doing a Cha Cha. She's a spunky little thing! She worked that dance floor and the crowd loved it. Judges loved her but said it was too Hip Hoppy. They are always party poopers! Scores: 9, 8, 9. Sassy!


Now we got Marie Osmond and dancer Jonathan. She's a little bit country, and a whole lot of frumpy! They are dancing the Foxtrot. Not too elegant and that slit on her dress is WAY too high! I didn't need to see all of that stuff! Judges gave her praise. Whatever. Scores: 7, 7, 7.


Dancing next is Scary Spice, Mel B. She's teamed with Maxim. They're doing the Cha Cha. Scary was pretty entertaining. She worked that dress! I thought she did pretty well. Judges liked her too. Although I really would have preferred to see Posh Spice dancing instead. I bet she would have been disaster! Scores: 8, 8, 8.


Up next is Jane Seymour and partner Tony Dovolani. She says she's the oldest woman to dance on the show. Well then, lets go grandma! They are doing the Foxtrot. Ok Janie, that was very graceful! Nothing flashy, just class. Nice one. Judges loved it, as they should. Scores: 8, 8, 8.

Josie better watch out. She could be heading home Wednesday! Well, tomorrow we see the guys. Till then...