Celebrity Duets Finale - It's Finally Over!

It's the Celebrity Duets Finale. Thank God! Now I'm not even going to mention Jai Rodriguez' elimination last week. Just stupid! Crack loving FOOLS!


















Anyway...first up is Lucy (I Suck Out Loud) Lawless. BOO! Or should I say BOOBS! That's the only thing that is keeping her around. Tonight she's singing with Bonnie Tyler. "Turn around big boobs!" Why couldn't Bonnie bring the cute guys from her video for this song. And speaking of this song, it's chock full of drama. Hmm. Bonnie looks just like Charlene Tilton from Dallas. Lucy was bad as usual. Wait a minute, Little Richard made sense. Who took away his drugs!! Boo!

















Alfonso Ribeiro is next, singing with John Secada. Looks like John had a bit too much nip and tuck. mmm Beef jerky. Alfonso sounded great! Little Richard started up about his toes again. That fool's got some obsession with his toes. David Foster says that Alfonso was good enough to be belong in his world. If only all of us could be special enough to be in David's world. Whateva you old fool. He's the king of back-handed compliments.


Ok, why are they still showing those Fudgem Dominos commericals? Do people actually order that crap? I'm sorry, but if I wanted to hug some big hairy and fudgy thing, I'd go to some leather bar! ICK!

















Anyways...Hal Sparks is up to scream a new song. He's singing with Sebastian Bach from Skid Row. Ouch! Make it stop! SUCK-O-RAMA! Little Richard said "My grandmother didn't holler that loud when she was trying to get the cows to come in." I think I would've rather watched her call the cows instead. The judges were somewhat nice to him. I guess they want to make us to think this is a nailbiter contest, which it isn't.

















EWWW!
















Lucy is back to sing once again with Smokey Robinson. Lucy actually sounded pretty good this song. And I still love me some Smokey! Richard commented on her "Fly Me To The Moon" performance by saying "Why she wanna go there? What she wanna do up on the moon?" Someone tell Richard that she's not really going to the moon. I think he's been on the moon for weeks now!

















Alfonso comes back to sing with Gladys Knight. They sounded good. Made a good pair. The judges loved Alfonso and pimped him to the voters.

















Oh no! The Carlton Dance. Just wrong!


















Hal Sparks returns with Dennis DeYoung. Dennis still sounds good. They both are singing to their wife/girlfriend. Hal's girlfriend's looking fugly! Now see, Hal doesn't scream as much this song and sounds so much better. Little Richard said "If it don't fit don't force it. I tell ya, you forced it and it was good." ?? Is Richard still talking about singing??

Well, there they are. I think Alfonso is the obvious front runner, but I wouldn't be surprised if Lucy's boobs take her to the win.

Celebrity Duets...Stop The Insanity!

Its Celebrity Duets time. Three crap singers gone, five to go.















First up is Jai Rodriguez. I'm sure he's missing Taylor Dayne and her boobs from last week. So this week he's with Patti LaBelle. Oh Patti, what have you been eating! She looked like Barney with all that purple velour on. I bet Little Richard was wondering who got into his closet! And judging by the expression Jai is giving above, he knows what I mean! Patti sounded good! The judges loved Jai, and me too, but I hated his hat! Little Richard says "Don't make me scream like a white lady!" Too late Richard. You've been sounding like a white lady for decades!














Next is Lucy Lawless. She's singing with Richard Marx, who had bigger hair than her in his days. Lucy is in cylon mode being the vamped up blonde. And singing BAD BAD BAD! Richard's still cute, who knew!



















Wait a minute, I just noticed Lucy's dress! Oh dear! What a crime to kill a flock of peacocks for a dress. Would that be a flock, a pack, a murder? Hmm, the only murder is her singing. Her boobs were more in tune than her voice was. The judges liked her, which confirms they are on CRACK! Little Richard says "The beauty is still on duty. I know because my name is Judge Beauty." That may be so Lil', but you look more like Judge Judy.
















Now we got Hal Sparks. I thought Hal was the best last week and apparently he was second from the bottom after America voted. This country can be stupid sometimes! He's singing with Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and is in rockin' mode. He sounds terrible! Just screaming at the top of his lungs. Hal dear, there's more to heavy metal than just shreiking. This isn't death metal ya know! It's pretty bad when DEE SNIDER sings better than you! Poor Hal. Little Richard said "You look like Prince. And if it don't fit, don't force it." Hmm. What odd advice??















Now I don't know if I'm more disturbed by Hal's eye liner, or the hairdo above! Is that George Clinton?














Cheech Marin is up next singing with Al Jarreau. Is it a bad thing if I have blood coming out of my ears? Damn Cheech! Al looks old and creepy! Man, this is a bunch of crap! Make it stop! Cheech and the crypt keeper are whack! Little Richard said "I didn't know you could sing jazz." Dizzy Richard. I think we all know he CAN'T sing jazz, or any other style for that matter. He needs to GO!

Commerical break..."Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea..." Who wrote that commercial jingle?? They need to be shot! Why are people dancing to those lyrics??

Back to the show....















Last to sing is Alfonso Ribeiro. He's singing Chaka Khan! Girlfriend is wearing some crazy outfit! She looks like Sigmund the Sea Monster! And that weave is out of control and has a mind of its own! One of her weaves bitch slapped Alfonso near the end. Chaka sounded great and Alfonso was very good too. Little Richard said....um...I really couldn't make out what he said! Something about a shoe?? Where's my damn Richard translator already!















SEPARATED AT BIRTH??


Hey, Patti LaBelle is back. You go Patti! Diva it up! Show those suckas how to sing! Oh, here comes Wayne Brady to sing with her. They sound good together. Belt it out girl!!

Well, they are eliminating two people tomorrow. It should be Cheech and Lucy, but the voters suck, so Cheech will probably stay. Stupid voters!

Celebrity Duets...Just Say No To Crack!

Is it Celebrity Duets time again? I'm still recovering from Cheech's last craptastic performance.













First up is Lucy Lawless with Dionne Warwick. Dionne looked ca-razy! Lucy was dull, and I think a wild tiger got a hold of her dress and left it in shreds, maybe Tony the Tiger. It's G-r-r-reat, NOT! Try Boring! Little Richard said "You're in the Kool Aid girl, but you got no flavor." Who knows what that means, but sounds fair enough.

Ugh! How many times to I have to see that Tampax Pearl commerical. Oh look, John Walsh from America's Most Wanted is in the audience. Isn't that ironic that he's watching America's Most Tonedeaf.













Ok, Alfonso Ribeiro is up next crying about his throat hurting. (sigh..) He's got Deniece Williams as a partner. You go Niecy! Deniece sounds good and so does Alfonso. Let's Hear It For The Boy! heh! Marie Osmond doesn't like Alfie's moves. Little Richard says "My big toe just shot up again." (??) David Foster tells him not to whine about being sick. Yeah, thank you old creepy man! I couldn't have said it better.














Carly Patterson is up singing with cutie Jesse McCartney. Looks like Fox is trying to up the teen audience. Carly almost knocked over Jesse with her boobs. Those are some swingin' weapons! Carly sucked as usual, both her singing and her aqua disaster outfit! Jesse look CUTE as usual. Little Richard said "You got your horse, I hope you got your buggy." Sheesh, I really need a Richard-to-English dictionary. I don't know WHAT he's saying! David Foster calls Marie the "Bitch from Hell"! HEE!













Hal Sparks comes on stage to sing with Dennis DeYoung. I thought he was afraid of performing these days? Dennis still sounds great! Although you could tell Hal was just dying to break out into Mr. Roboto. Hal did a great job I thought. Little Richard said "I hope you feel what you're using." Me thinks Richard is using, if ya know what I mean.













Cheech is next. Oh dear. He's singing with Aaron Neville. Cheech actually started out ok. Oh, but the suck found its way quick enough. Bad bad bad! Little Richard said "I know I know, ain't no sunshine, you gotta go!" HEH! You go Little Richard!













Jai Rodriguez is up performing with Taylor Dayne. Cool! They both sounded great! Taylor was boob-a-licious! Little Richard said "You picked it out, you pulled it out and pulled it in. He got it got it got it." The judges didn't like him. I think the judges are trying to make him not seem the runaway favorite that he is.

Well...I'd say Carly is leaving tomorrow night. I would love to see Cheech leave, but he has a way of surviving. Kinda like roaches. Mama get Real Kill! Spray that sucka down!

Celebrity Duets

Well, our favorite off key celebrities are back for another round of stank. And another night of trying to figure out what the hell Little Richard is saying.











First up was Hal Sparks wanting to know what love is with Wynonna. I lurve me some Wynonna and she sounded great! They must have had a brownie sundae dangling from a string just out of her reach keeping her focused. Hal did his usual starting off fine then going to hard rock hell. I agreed with David Foster that he should have built up to the loud part. Hal did his flirting routine with Wynonna. Hey, big girls need love too!











Next was Lea Thompson and Belinda Carlisle doing Belinda's sassy song Heaven is a Place on Earth. Belinda looked like she was ready for a PTA meeting, but sounded good! And Lea...oh Lea...you got the dogs howling outside. And way out of tune! Ok a few points...Lea's skirt was non existant! Cover the cooch honey! Marie Osmond lied to her and used the too wrong line "You sang with the Go-Go's lead singer and had this house Go-Go'in girl. " Gag. Little Richard observantly said "It reminds me of Tina Turner up there. Tina's legs, not the voice." heh! Richad isn't as dumb as I thought.












And what's up with Lea's husband? Is he like 80 or something??











Next is Cheech Marin with Clint Black. Whateva. Make the troll go away! Not even worth a comment.











Now we got Alfonso Ribeiro with Jeffrey Osborne singing On The Wings of Love. Although, since bloated Alfonso was singing it, they should changed the name to "On the Wings of KFC." Alfie sounded pretty good I must say.

Carly Patterson sings I'm So Excited with with my girl Anita Pointer. You Go Anita! And Carly...you just go...somewhere. I like the song enough to have actually overlooked Carly's singing. It wasn't as cringeworthy as usual. Little Richard said "The Pointer Sisters, they are really pointy. You pointed out. You made a point." EH?? I just don't know what he's saying.

Next, Jai Rodriguez and Brian McKnight sang Back at One. Jai did a good job as expected. They tried to throw in some story about him losing his voice. I guess they didn't wan't him to seem too obvious the front runner.

Xena time! Lucy Lawless and Kenny Loggins sings Whenever I Call You Friend. She wasn't as good as last week, but was still good.

Now let's take a tacky timeout to observe Little Richard's outfit. What the heck??


Looks like they're turning over the voting to the viewers and will be back tomorrow with a results show...and more singing. Oh dear. I'm not sure if I can take two nights a week of that. As Anita said "I'm So Excited!"...eh...not so much.

Celebrity Duets..From Hell!

I got around to watching the premiere episode of Celebrity Duets. I was going to pass on this, but I decided to give it a try. If I can put up with My Humps on the radio, then I can give this a try. Ok, so let's see what D-List losers they got for this celebrity outing. But first I have to touch on the judges of this show.












What an odd trio! David Foster is normal enough. He's got a lot of experience in finding talented artists so I can see that. Next we have Marie Osmond. Ol' Marie had to pay the bills apparently. Guess they need another Mormon church built or something. Her feedback to the contestants actually make sense, so I'm ok with her. Then there's Little Richard. Oh dear. Now I know these talent shows always gotta have one loony on the judges panel (i.e. Paula Abdul, The Hoff, Mary Murphy, et. al), but Little Richard? We stopped making fun of him a decade ago. I don't think he's all there. He probably thinks he's watching the Celine Dion show in Vegas, but nobody has the heart to tell him he's just on a crappy reality show. And what is he saying?? I can't understand any of his mumbling. BUT, in the tradition of my beloved Mary Murphy from So You Think You Can Dance, Richard seems totally drunk, so I LOVE HIM!


















So here's the contestants above. I'll have to look up the spelling of these names since a lot of these jokers I've never heard of. Ok, let's look at the lineup shall we?












Lucy Lawless was up first singing with Michael Bolton. I really didn't need to see him. Oh Xena, I would have much rather enjoyed seeing you toss his butt off the stage like the Warrior Princess you are! She then sang with Smokey Robinson. Me like Smokey! Well, his voice, not his hair.
Lucy did a nice job. I was impressed with her voice. Who knew. Cylons make good singers ya know.












Lea Thompson. She was in some movies I liked in the 80's and a TV show I hated in the 90's. But she was a recurring character on the TV show Ed. So I guess she's not all bad. Her voice was pretty good. Nothing special. She sang with Randy Travis (you remember, the gay country singer married to the 80 year old woman/beard). She had on some horrid countrifed dress that looked like Stevie Nicks on crack (well, wasn't she most of the time anyway?). She also sang with Michael Bolton (??). Man, I'd hate to get stuck having to sing with him.













Alfonso Ribeiro. What's with that pose?? Now ol' Alfonso was Carlton on Fresh Prince and who can forget him as the token black on Silver Spoons. Looks like he's been using those silver spoons with his meals a little too much! Ol' Alfie was good and cheesy singing with James Ingram and Michelle Williams (no, not the talented Michelle Williams, the other one). He hammed it up during both songs but was adequate enough to get him through another round.













Carly Patterson. WHO? I guess she does some sports thing? Lacrosse or ping pong? The hell if I know! She sang with James Ingram and LeeAnn Womack. Girlfriend was bad. Especially her first song. But I think Little Richard was enchanted by the sparkles on her dress and will keep her a little longer.












Cheech Marin. Why?? Was this a joke or something? I think I'm going to have nightmares with him in that rediculous country outfit. So he performed with Peter Frampton first as the new duet team "The Has Beens". Then he sang with Randy Travis. Whatever...I fast forwarded through half his singing. The howling dogs outside my door were too distracting.












Hal Sparks. Fresh from Queer As Folk. Oh, and I guess he must have brought a drag queen from the show with him. Oh, wait, that's Gladys Knight. Hal is the lead singer in a band himself. Some hard rock band, so of course, all of his singing was over the top and rockin. You know, like Chris Daughtry from Idol, minus the talent. He also sang with Smokey Robinson in falsetto. It scared me. But at least my apartment is now roach-free. They all ran off when that falsetto started. I suppose his singing was ok, but he probably won't be around long unless he improves.













Chris Jericho. I know nothing about him. He wrestles or something? He should have wrestled with his decision to be on this show. Just plain scary. He sang with LeeAnn Womack and Peter Frampton. Whateva. I won't have to worry about him much longer.












Finally there was Jai Rodriguez, the Queer Eye guy (pictured above with RuPaul..I mean Michelle Williams). Now I know Jai can sing. I've seen him on Broadway 6 times performing the role of Angel in Rent and I loved him on that show. Jai sang with Gladys Knight and Michelle Williams. He has great stage presence. Well, I hope so after performing on Broadway for years. I think it's kind of a given that he was the best singer of the night. But it was a bit creepy when he was coming on to Gladys during the first song. But I give him props for making me believe that this little queen had the hots for Gladys. He probably just wanted her wig.












Of course, the bottom two were Chris Jericho and Carly Patterson. Wayne Brady should have just booted them both off, but alas, only Chris went. So that means another week of Carly's warbling off key. This show is a train wreck, but like a train wreck, I can't stop watching! I'll be tuning in this week to see if Cheech goes Up in Smoke (heh) or if Little Richard joins Paula Abdul's 12-step program and sounds more coherent this week. Oh, who am I kidding. The producers will make sure he's a blabbering fool. And we wouldn't want it any other way, thank you!