Its Celebrity Duets time. Three crap singers gone, five to go.
First up is Jai Rodriguez. I'm sure he's missing Taylor Dayne and her boobs from last week. So this week he's with Patti LaBelle. Oh Patti, what have you been eating! She looked like Barney with all that purple velour on. I bet Little Richard was wondering who got into his closet! And judging by the expression Jai is giving above, he knows what I mean! Patti sounded good! The judges loved Jai, and me too, but I hated his hat! Little Richard says "Don't make me scream like a white lady!" Too late Richard. You've been sounding like a white lady for decades!
Next is Lucy Lawless. She's singing with Richard Marx, who had bigger hair than her in his days. Lucy is in cylon mode being the vamped up blonde. And singing BAD BAD BAD! Richard's still cute, who knew!
Wait a minute, I just noticed Lucy's dress! Oh dear! What a crime to kill a flock of peacocks for a dress. Would that be a flock, a pack, a murder? Hmm, the only murder is her singing. Her boobs were more in tune than her voice was. The judges liked her, which confirms they are on CRACK! Little Richard says "The beauty is still on duty. I know because my name is Judge Beauty." That may be so Lil', but you look more like Judge Judy.
Now we got Hal Sparks. I thought Hal was the best last week and apparently he was second from the bottom after America voted. This country can be stupid sometimes! He's singing with Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and is in rockin' mode. He sounds terrible! Just screaming at the top of his lungs. Hal dear, there's more to heavy metal than just shreiking. This isn't death metal ya know! It's pretty bad when DEE SNIDER sings better than you! Poor Hal. Little Richard said "You look like Prince. And if it don't fit, don't force it." Hmm. What odd advice??
Now I don't know if I'm more disturbed by Hal's eye liner, or the hairdo above! Is that George Clinton?
Cheech Marin is up next singing with Al Jarreau. Is it a bad thing if I have blood coming out of my ears? Damn Cheech! Al looks old and creepy! Man, this is a bunch of crap! Make it stop! Cheech and the crypt keeper are whack! Little Richard said "I didn't know you could sing jazz." Dizzy Richard. I think we all know he CAN'T sing jazz, or any other style for that matter. He needs to GO!
Commerical break..."Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea..." Who wrote that commercial jingle?? They need to be shot! Why are people dancing to those lyrics??
Back to the show....
Last to sing is Alfonso Ribeiro. He's singing Chaka Khan! Girlfriend is wearing some crazy outfit! She looks like Sigmund the Sea Monster! And that weave is out of control and has a mind of its own! One of her weaves bitch slapped Alfonso near the end. Chaka sounded great and Alfonso was very good too. Little Richard said....um...I really couldn't make out what he said! Something about a shoe?? Where's my damn Richard translator already!
SEPARATED AT BIRTH??
Hey, Patti LaBelle is back. You go Patti! Diva it up! Show those suckas how to sing! Oh, here comes Wayne Brady to sing with her. They sound good together. Belt it out girl!!
Well, they are eliminating two people tomorrow. It should be Cheech and Lucy, but the voters suck, so Cheech will probably stay. Stupid voters!
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